Monday, June 15, 2009
Buckle Up
Until recently, I only suspected that a Houston summer was dangerously close to Hell. As of tonight, it's official. My wife recently purchased a Blackberry Curve cell phone and she is meticulously assigning ring tones to everyone on the planet. After reading this, I'm sure she'll have a special one for me. In the mean time, I'm safely enjoying poking a little fun from a distance.
Speaking of distance, it's 7.5 thousand miles to Iran. Interestingly, it's roughly the same distance to China. Both countries have weighed heavily on my thoughts during the past few days, as have Pakistan, North Korea, Venezuela and a few others. The west has worried over the influence of radical Islam, the economic potential of Communist China, and the danger of extreme dictators. We sometimes dismiss them from our thoughts as being far away in physical distance. But they are only 1 second away in terms of communicative distance. The internet, cell phones, twitter and all other modern means of communication have brought all of our lives into close proximity. The world isn't just flat, it's a damn point! The common man/woman now has a voice, and the ability to sample life in other countries, make comparisons to their lives, influence policy, and form conclusions independent of the propaganda of governments and large corporate entities.
People can only be manipulated and controlled when they are isolated, and isolation has ended. It's going to be an interesting decade, both abroad and at home. Prepare yourself. The next decade has the potential to be one heck of a ride.
Speaking of distance, it's 7.5 thousand miles to Iran. Interestingly, it's roughly the same distance to China. Both countries have weighed heavily on my thoughts during the past few days, as have Pakistan, North Korea, Venezuela and a few others. The west has worried over the influence of radical Islam, the economic potential of Communist China, and the danger of extreme dictators. We sometimes dismiss them from our thoughts as being far away in physical distance. But they are only 1 second away in terms of communicative distance. The internet, cell phones, twitter and all other modern means of communication have brought all of our lives into close proximity. The world isn't just flat, it's a damn point! The common man/woman now has a voice, and the ability to sample life in other countries, make comparisons to their lives, influence policy, and form conclusions independent of the propaganda of governments and large corporate entities.
People can only be manipulated and controlled when they are isolated, and isolation has ended. It's going to be an interesting decade, both abroad and at home. Prepare yourself. The next decade has the potential to be one heck of a ride.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
King Charles Says It Better
How many brain farts can a man have? It must be a very large number, because I have completely lost track of mine. I was afraid earlier this evening that I was having another one, but thank God it was just a wrong number. Someone was trying to convince me that they knew me. Hopefully they found the other goofy dude in Texas with my name.
We watched Ron White's comedy special on TV tonight. I've enjoyed him before, and I laughed so hard tonight that I literally gave myself a headache. The man is ridiculously funny. If you can handle a little rough humor, then catch his special this Sunday evening on Comedy Central.
Speaking of ridiculous, let's talk pirates and other forms of genetically mutated vermin. What the hell is going on, and why are we putting up with anything from these knuckle-heads? I guess we drew a line on Sunday when we shot three of those bastards. We need to draw a line every day, whether an American ship is involved or not. If I was in charge for a day, nobody would negotiate with pirates or any other scum sucking pigs on this planet. We'd shoot them, put their heads on sticks, burn their bodies and drag them through the streets. It's the only form of action they understand, and our typical spineless empty worded actions do not work. Putting them in a military jail that subjects them to the horrors of wearing diapers on their heads (while CLEARLY horrific) isn't enough. Rumsfeld and I weren't exactly like minded, but I think he had it right when he said these guys are looking to martyr themselves, and we should help them.
Of course, it's not always clear who's playing the role of knuckle-head the best. That depends upon who you're listening to. If you aren't listening to anyone, then you know a knuckle-head when you see one. Case closed. You don't need a manual. On the other hand, if you ARE listening to people, and you bend to every breeze that blows, then you've probably been convinced by now that conservative Americans are the knuckle-heads. We're the reason for everything wrong on the planet. Honestly, that's a lot of responsibility to place on a group of people. Still, I have to admit that I'm smiling a little more in the midst of these accusations. Afterall, there have been numerous times in the past 10 years when my first ex has told everyone on the planet that I am the reason for all of the world's problems. But I digress...
The media paints a really good picture for why conservatives are the cause of all known problems, and many would believe the media is just a bunch of left wing biased, pot smoking, coke snorting flower power siblings who don't know what the hell they are talking about. In actuality though, the media is made up of clever people who know how stupid the left wing crowd can be, and how easily aggrivated the right wing has become. On the surface, it appears that the media and the left wing are allies, but the truth is that the media is just making as much money as they can off of the crazies. They're business men and women! The crazies think the media reports news, but nobody does that. It's not profitable. The media is only in business to create a product that gains as much advertising revenue as possible. Rags like "The Star" have understood this for years. CNN, FoxNews and others figured it out later, and the general public is still playing catch-up. The truth is that the media would gladly tell the world that Jessica Simpson is brilliant (improbable) and Hillary Clinton is a bitch (probable) if they thought it would sell advertising space. They're the new whores and peep shows, and they know we're messed up enough to buy everything they're selling.
Well, it's late, and while I haven't insulted everyone yet, I feel a rant coming on. I think I'll save you from me by going to bed. Sleep well knuckle-heads...
We watched Ron White's comedy special on TV tonight. I've enjoyed him before, and I laughed so hard tonight that I literally gave myself a headache. The man is ridiculously funny. If you can handle a little rough humor, then catch his special this Sunday evening on Comedy Central.
Speaking of ridiculous, let's talk pirates and other forms of genetically mutated vermin. What the hell is going on, and why are we putting up with anything from these knuckle-heads? I guess we drew a line on Sunday when we shot three of those bastards. We need to draw a line every day, whether an American ship is involved or not. If I was in charge for a day, nobody would negotiate with pirates or any other scum sucking pigs on this planet. We'd shoot them, put their heads on sticks, burn their bodies and drag them through the streets. It's the only form of action they understand, and our typical spineless empty worded actions do not work. Putting them in a military jail that subjects them to the horrors of wearing diapers on their heads (while CLEARLY horrific) isn't enough. Rumsfeld and I weren't exactly like minded, but I think he had it right when he said these guys are looking to martyr themselves, and we should help them.
Of course, it's not always clear who's playing the role of knuckle-head the best. That depends upon who you're listening to. If you aren't listening to anyone, then you know a knuckle-head when you see one. Case closed. You don't need a manual. On the other hand, if you ARE listening to people, and you bend to every breeze that blows, then you've probably been convinced by now that conservative Americans are the knuckle-heads. We're the reason for everything wrong on the planet. Honestly, that's a lot of responsibility to place on a group of people. Still, I have to admit that I'm smiling a little more in the midst of these accusations. Afterall, there have been numerous times in the past 10 years when my first ex has told everyone on the planet that I am the reason for all of the world's problems. But I digress...
The media paints a really good picture for why conservatives are the cause of all known problems, and many would believe the media is just a bunch of left wing biased, pot smoking, coke snorting flower power siblings who don't know what the hell they are talking about. In actuality though, the media is made up of clever people who know how stupid the left wing crowd can be, and how easily aggrivated the right wing has become. On the surface, it appears that the media and the left wing are allies, but the truth is that the media is just making as much money as they can off of the crazies. They're business men and women! The crazies think the media reports news, but nobody does that. It's not profitable. The media is only in business to create a product that gains as much advertising revenue as possible. Rags like "The Star" have understood this for years. CNN, FoxNews and others figured it out later, and the general public is still playing catch-up. The truth is that the media would gladly tell the world that Jessica Simpson is brilliant (improbable) and Hillary Clinton is a bitch (probable) if they thought it would sell advertising space. They're the new whores and peep shows, and they know we're messed up enough to buy everything they're selling.
Well, it's late, and while I haven't insulted everyone yet, I feel a rant coming on. I think I'll save you from me by going to bed. Sleep well knuckle-heads...
Friday, April 10, 2009
It is Written
"Slum Dog Millionaire" is amazing. We saw it tonight and I was completely blown away. Incredible.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Bricks and Things
We watched Kianu Reeves in "War of the Worlds" tonight. The first 30 minutes were interesting, but it completely fell apart shortly after Kianu says "You should let me go." I believe he blew his line. It should have been "You should turn this off."
The rest of the movie turned into a commercial for how humans are killing the earth. Kianu was sent to save the earth by killing the humans. In the end, he decides we can change, and he allows us to live. In all honesty, Jennifer Connelly should be thanked. We'd all be dead without her, and I wouldn't get a chance to collect my bailout money.
That was the second time that I've seen Jennifer do good deeds in less than a month. She was the loving force in "A Beautiful Mind" that kept Russell Crowe's mathematically brilliant John Nash from spending most of his life talking to imaginary human beings and cutting up thousands of newspaper articles in search of nonexistent codes planted by the Russians. She was effective in that role. Perhaps saving the planet was just too much of a stretch. Interestingly, the two movies did have one theme in common. In each case, Jennifer's character was paired with a male counterpart that was scientifically and/or mathematically brilliant. Personally, I'd like to see Kianu's and Russell's SAT scores...
I won't have nearly as much impact as Jennifer's characters during my life, but I do have Lego bricks! In fact, I have Lego pieces of all types everywhere. Both of my boys have been completely into Lego models for the past many months, and I have enjoyed putting together a multitude of models. They've been very into Lego Starwars for a while now, and there are space ships and characters all over the house. There are also a multitude of mutant creations courtesy of my 3 year old son, who is constantly stealing pieces from one model or another to design very symmetric, and sometimes very cool spaceships. He is more creative than I could have ever been at his age, and his best years are well ahead of him.
Interestingly, my own creativity has been a concern during the past year. I have drowned so thoroughly in administrative work that I've wondered if my research would every have a chance to blossom again. That part of me felt dead, and although I've had plenty of other things that validated my existence in academia, by the first of the year I'd resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't have another research breakthrough for the rest of my life. Then, when I least suspected it, I discovered some of the old fairy dust that used to let my mind soar, and that part of me found life again. I won't bother with the details here. Don't worry. Your life won't suffer from not knowing what I've done. In fact, you might be richer for not knowing.
I will share something more profound that I've observed though. You've observed it too. Our tollerance/intollerance of farts has more parallels in our lives than I ever suspected. Consider this. We don't have to leave the room when we fart, although we might want to run when someone else does. Even worse, we can sit and breath our own flattulence while we read on the John, but we'd never attempt to sit in on any other person's session. It's no small wonder then that we aren't bothered by the behavior of our own children, when the behavior of other children nearly triggers a seizure.
We don't have to look far to find other examples, and I'll spare you the gross things that are currently running through my mind. They don't bother me because they are my thoughts, but they might disturb you. Besides, I don't really have to make a list. You've already stopped saying "yuck" long enough to start making your own.
Enjoy.
The rest of the movie turned into a commercial for how humans are killing the earth. Kianu was sent to save the earth by killing the humans. In the end, he decides we can change, and he allows us to live. In all honesty, Jennifer Connelly should be thanked. We'd all be dead without her, and I wouldn't get a chance to collect my bailout money.
That was the second time that I've seen Jennifer do good deeds in less than a month. She was the loving force in "A Beautiful Mind" that kept Russell Crowe's mathematically brilliant John Nash from spending most of his life talking to imaginary human beings and cutting up thousands of newspaper articles in search of nonexistent codes planted by the Russians. She was effective in that role. Perhaps saving the planet was just too much of a stretch. Interestingly, the two movies did have one theme in common. In each case, Jennifer's character was paired with a male counterpart that was scientifically and/or mathematically brilliant. Personally, I'd like to see Kianu's and Russell's SAT scores...
I won't have nearly as much impact as Jennifer's characters during my life, but I do have Lego bricks! In fact, I have Lego pieces of all types everywhere. Both of my boys have been completely into Lego models for the past many months, and I have enjoyed putting together a multitude of models. They've been very into Lego Starwars for a while now, and there are space ships and characters all over the house. There are also a multitude of mutant creations courtesy of my 3 year old son, who is constantly stealing pieces from one model or another to design very symmetric, and sometimes very cool spaceships. He is more creative than I could have ever been at his age, and his best years are well ahead of him.
Interestingly, my own creativity has been a concern during the past year. I have drowned so thoroughly in administrative work that I've wondered if my research would every have a chance to blossom again. That part of me felt dead, and although I've had plenty of other things that validated my existence in academia, by the first of the year I'd resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't have another research breakthrough for the rest of my life. Then, when I least suspected it, I discovered some of the old fairy dust that used to let my mind soar, and that part of me found life again. I won't bother with the details here. Don't worry. Your life won't suffer from not knowing what I've done. In fact, you might be richer for not knowing.
I will share something more profound that I've observed though. You've observed it too. Our tollerance/intollerance of farts has more parallels in our lives than I ever suspected. Consider this. We don't have to leave the room when we fart, although we might want to run when someone else does. Even worse, we can sit and breath our own flattulence while we read on the John, but we'd never attempt to sit in on any other person's session. It's no small wonder then that we aren't bothered by the behavior of our own children, when the behavior of other children nearly triggers a seizure.
We don't have to look far to find other examples, and I'll spare you the gross things that are currently running through my mind. They don't bother me because they are my thoughts, but they might disturb you. Besides, I don't really have to make a list. You've already stopped saying "yuck" long enough to start making your own.
Enjoy.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Milk Man
I have to ask the question. I simply cannot stop myself, so here goes... Did Sean Penn really win an Oscar for Milk, or is Hollywood just compensating him for sleeping with Madonna in his youth? After Sean either won or was given the Oscar, did he really think we wanted to listen to his condescending attitude and political opinions? Given his track record as a self destructive middle aged juvenile delinquent and his recent nod as the actor "most likely to be duped by a dictator", did he honestly think anyone cared (aside from a handful of Hollywood compatriots)?
I get so tired of Hollywood role model wannabes and their intellectual arrogance talking down to the ignorant Americans that pay for their fairy tale fantasy existence. On average, their real lives are beyond messed up, and they have no more in site to the path towards peace and harmony than the large bug that I killed in the garage yesterday evening.
The bottom line is that like so many actors, Sean has forgotten that he does his best work when he is pretending to be part of the real world, and not when he actually participates in the real world. Before he again considers turning up the volume on his short self, I suggest that he lose the spray tan, personal trainer, dietitian, body guard, publicist, stylist, psychic, and multimillion dollar salary, and try life as a normal person for a while.
Then again, what am I thinking? The last thing we need is another butt-head in the ranks of regular folk.
I get so tired of Hollywood role model wannabes and their intellectual arrogance talking down to the ignorant Americans that pay for their fairy tale fantasy existence. On average, their real lives are beyond messed up, and they have no more in site to the path towards peace and harmony than the large bug that I killed in the garage yesterday evening.
The bottom line is that like so many actors, Sean has forgotten that he does his best work when he is pretending to be part of the real world, and not when he actually participates in the real world. Before he again considers turning up the volume on his short self, I suggest that he lose the spray tan, personal trainer, dietitian, body guard, publicist, stylist, psychic, and multimillion dollar salary, and try life as a normal person for a while.
Then again, what am I thinking? The last thing we need is another butt-head in the ranks of regular folk.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
New Car Smell
I have a number of pet phrases that I've used repeatedly over the years. One of my staples is
"The new wears off of everything."
When it finally happens, the blinders come off and we start to see things as they really are. Sometimes we find that we have something better than we ever expected, and other times we are disappointed in ourselves and our somewhat aged possession.
I think the new car smell is starting to wear a little thin on our new president and his administration. Will Obama still look like the great savior when the last semblance of fall's sweet fragrance has left the building, or will our new Obama Nation look more like an Abomination?
Only time will tell...
When it finally happens, the blinders come off and we start to see things as they really are. Sometimes we find that we have something better than we ever expected, and other times we are disappointed in ourselves and our somewhat aged possession.
I think the new car smell is starting to wear a little thin on our new president and his administration. Will Obama still look like the great savior when the last semblance of fall's sweet fragrance has left the building, or will our new Obama Nation look more like an Abomination?
Only time will tell...
Monday, February 16, 2009
Spray Tan Virgin
I think I've reached the point of no return on a few items in life. There as a time when I was still young enough to boldly proclaim that if an experience didn't cause any pain for those around me, then I'd be up for it. With this post, I do hereby declare that I am so set in my ways that there are many harmless things I've never done, and I'll never do.
- Apply spray tan.
- Use body wax.
- Wear thong foot-wear or butt-wear.
- Pierce my ears, nose or anything else.
- Eat dog.
- Try to find myself.
- Dye my hair.
- Understand why people care what actors think.
- Become Muslim.
- Wear make-up, dresses, heels or talk with a feminine accent.
- Vote a straight democratic ticket.
- Concede that Nike invented the slogan "Just do it!"
- Smoke crack.
- Run a marathon.
- Go through the motions.
- Have plastic surgery.
- Encourage my kids to play in traffic.
- Do a standing back-flip.
- Wake up with good breath.
- Own a Corvette.
- Surf.
- Ask my congressman to support open borders.
- Get butt implants, or any other kind.
- Enjoy listening to that a$*hole Bill Maher.
- Read every word of the stimulus package that Obama will sign and also never read.
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